2014. Dear God, May It Be a Good One!

I think I'm due for a good year.  I do.  For the love of God, please let it be smooth, peaceful and fruitful.  Yeah. 

I can use a little fruit, especially of the green persuasion.  You know, green backs? Dough? Moola? Geesh.  Don't make me say it.  Sigh.  I need some money.  More than what has been coming my way.  I desperately need to pay off debt, my Masters Degree student loan in particular.  Oh, do I need a car as it struggles and gasps as I try to go up a long winding hill that is part of my commute to and from work. Well, one way is downhill, the other up.

But I would never be so bold to ask for more wealth above health, though.  I do wish to maintain and pray for excellent health for my family and me.  After that, financial liquidity would be greatly appreciated and I do feel its about damn time I earn what I deserve, cause right now that isn't the case.

Anyway, I am of the sandwich generation where I worry not only about myself and my family with two kids heading into their college years (Yikes! Talk about needing plenty of dough!!!!) but I worry about my 80 year old father who is battling Multiple Mylenoma, which for the last few months has been above the fray for needing chemotherapy treatment, holding steady until now.  Here we go again with the chemo, which he has actually tolerated well except for restlessness the night the chemo was received.  But will it work again?  His doctor wanted him to go to the next level of medicine, but after my father read all of the side effects, he knew it would do him more harm then good.  His doctor said, "You know this isn't going to work forever." My father flatly replied, "I'm not going to live forever."  The doctor acknowledged that he had him there...so onward to the chemo treatment he has been receiving and God Bless it.

Worries.  When will worries not be a part of my life?  Or, I should say, when will worries not be on top of my list of things on my mind.  My Dad falling, chemo not working, being his Health Proxy, my health - my bones suck, headaches, my husband's crazy triglycerides, his overall health, my boys' life and happiness, their health, their college choices....Oh God, they might do military...Marines for Music and Coast Guard.....I yi yi.  I never thought I'd  be a military mother...but it isn't anyway typical when one enters the Marines to play in the Marines Band, "The President's Own" Band.  I read up on it and it is steeped in history and tradition starting with President John Adams.

But for whatever reason you enter the Marines, you do Boot Camp.  "It'll Destroy You," The recruiting officer said that bluntly to me and my son.  Those words haunt me.  This is my son we are talking about.  How can I and he get past that? Fear. Pure utter fear is what I feel.  I, as a mother, do not want him to feel that kind of fear either.

Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.

Okay.  Resolution.  Turn off your brain.  Learn to push the worries aside and sieze the moment.  Enjoy the moment, because really, that is all you have. Now.  Today. Stop worrying about tomorrow.

So, turning computer off and listening to the Shamrock and The Thistle....sweet.

Like the Scots for a Happy New Year I'm going to get a lump of coal, a loaf of shortbread and a bottle of whiskey!

Happy New Year!

Right now, this moment, it feels peaceful in the house with heavenly Celtic music playing, my husband asleep beside me, my boys relaxing downstairs....ahhhhhh.