I'm going to kick that ball. This time I am going to send that ball to the moon. Lucy promised she would not take her hand away. I trust her. Here I go.....running... running, faster, swing leg back and thrust forward and "AUGH!" land square on my back facing the sky staring at the drifting clouds.
Sorry, Charlie Brown. Lucy laughs.
It's that horrible Charlie Brown feeling that never fails to leave a scar: rejection, failure. My son tried out for the basketball team after playing football, doing marching band and then, exhausted, attended Open Gym night to improve his basketball skills readying for tryouts. This was going to be his year. This year he would make the team. "Your my Big Man!" the varsity coach would tell him. He felt awesome! Felt like he was getting in the groove, feeling the rhythm of the game; He was going to be Center.
Wednesday: 5:00pm pick up. My son was drenched in sweat could hardly walk. They ran for 2 grueling hours. Being 6' feet tall and 191 pounds, that's a lot of force to hit the gym floor for two hours, but he did it.
Thursday: 5:00pm pick up. Drenched again, but he was feeling great. Did foul shots, awesome layups, feeling strong and positive. He wanted it so bad, he could taste it.
Friday: 5:00pm, 5:05pm, 5:10pm. The first couple kids come out with dazed faces, one trying to hide in his shirt to cover his tear filled face. Crap. They posted the list. Where's my son? He would have come running out if he had made it. My heart started to pound. There he is! He glances toward the crying boy and then, quickly climbs in the car. "I didn't make it." He says, with an awkward nervous smirk, then straight face and then he puts his head in his hands and lets the tears spill. Oh, my God...my heart actually ached. Crap.
I can't tell you how it slices your heart to watch such utter disappointment being felt by your child. In the scheme of things, this is but a minor bump in the road. To my son, this was BIG. This was something he wanted so badly to be a part of, to feel like this is where he belonged. He wanted that sense of belonging and feeling great so badly; he thought basketball was the way to do it. He didn't understand. He was utterly shocked, dazed in disbelief, and then angry.
It sucked. Plain and simple.
There were so many things I said to him. One thing doesn't define you. Hold your head up high because you know you put everything you had in it. More importantly, he was not alone in not making the cut. There were at least 3 others of great talent that didn't make it either. That helped a little. A little.
He has more fortitude then me as an adult. I know how it feels to interview and not get the job. The self analysis is brutal. I didn't want to ever go through THAT again! But he picked himself back up signed up for CYO basketball, and said, "Next year, I'm making the team." Wow. I would want nothing with the sport again. That's a quitter attitude I know..but it was so damn painful. As a parent, I don't want to go through that heartbreak again. But I am behind him no matter what.
Maybe it'll be like the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree when things actually go Charlie's way for ONCE. His little tree became a beauty and all of his friends gathered around him. Then they all shouted to his delighted and happy ears, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!" They broke out in song afterward. It was the one time, things went Charlie Brown's way. He kicked that football to the moon!
Next year...
