Am I Being Punked? Is THAT What This Is????

Short tempered. Moody. Stressed. Teary. Disappointed. Lost…ugh. I swear a “dementor” was just here and sucked the joy right out of me leaving me feeling like a deflated balloon. I’m laying on my bed staring at the cobwebs of my ceiling asking myself, “What the hell am I doing with my life?” It hit me like someone threw a bucket of cold water on my face. Is this a cruel joke? Am I being punked? No. I sat up ramrod straight. I’ve realized to my utter horror that I am in the midst of…of…(I hate to say it)… A MIDLIFE CRISIS…DUH DUN. A Midlife Crisis. Huh. I never thought it would happen to me, a 40 something female who thought someday I would do something freaking special and touch many people’s lives. Nope. I’m not doing that, at least I don’t think so. What’s worse is that my feeling of dissatisfaction is rippling through my whole family’s life with my hideous short temper and mood swings. Add sweaty to that, and I think I hit on something else all together. Good God, what’s next? No! Please, no, not that! It could be…oh, just say it and get it over with…Menopause on top of a MidLife Crisis, a double whammy! That is harsh. We’re talking unfair, people. M&M’s, the chocolate kind, are delicious and pure bliss, this M&M is pure evil and simply unfair to womankind. It’s cruel. Time to Get A Grip…Get a Hold of Yourself! “Get off your pity pot,” Grandma Josie would say to me. Any brilliant ideas out there? I’m having trouble snapping out of it. Job dissatisfaction in an economic crisis does not beget hopefulness, but there are jobs. Obama says so. I do love to write and am pursuing the magazine market; there is that. As for menopause, I guess it’s time to see my doctor. (The idea of the cold stirrups, though I always wear a fresh pair of socks to shield the doctor of sweaty feet smell, but sorry poor doctor, I can’t wear a sock down there, so God bless him for diving in to my …nevermind.) The point? That annual visit is not pleasurable in the slightest. Yes, your uterus is getting bigger, your vagina is NOT getting tighter- “Would you like a device to exercise with?” Groan. Vagina weights. Am I being punked? How many calories will it burn? “Those spots are new…” Anyway, moving on and away from that. I’m not in it yet, but it’s definitely peri-menopausal – fun hormonal imbalances that keep this rollercoaster ride going. Up and then down. Up and then down. Don’t forget the water rides! That would be tears, in case you didn’t get it. I have a never-ending well. Well, I have terrible PMS and the bonus to menopause is that, I think, moods stabilize. God, please tell me this is true. There has to be some good out of menopause. But back to the Midlife Crisis. My sister’s comment to me was, “You are having your first? I’m on my 4th or 5th!” Nice. Well, Grandma Moses started her artistic career in her 70’s and now has her own museum about her life in Bennington, VT. She was a famous Americana artist that captured the simple moments of Vermont life through all of the seasons, like tapping Maple on the trees, apple picking, and cows and more cows poised on gorgeous green rolling pastures. I digress. The point is: it’s never to late to start something new, and at times you may feel that way, but you have to fight it with every fiber of your being and get out there! Do it! Start something…life is too short to hesitate. Thus, I started this blog for better or worse. At least it’s cathartic and healing in that way. I do feel inspired and a bit lighter. I may paint a cover of one of my Regency Romance Books…yeah, I just may do that! See ya! Peace….S.Sdh