Feeling Powerful

Feeling Powerful
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Sunday, November 6, 2016

Loss. Pain. Empathy. Emotions on High Alert. October 6, 2016 snapshot of feelings

Wow.  It has been rough waters.  I never knew it would hurt this bad sending my boys off to the Coast Guard - Boot Camp.  It's a punch in the gut kind of hurt.  Like someone took a pair of scissors, no more like an axe and chopped that cord of childhood and yanked our children from us.  As if they are pulled far far away like lost at sea drifting farther and farther away.  Appropriate metaphor.

Firstly, cut off communication with the military.  I don't know how they are, really are.  I can't call, text.  I can write, but at first there was nothing for the first 3 weeks.  The communication is delayed.  A week old by the time we get the message. My two sons went three weeks a part and every single day I worry how they are.  There are blog posts by a company member of each unit that gives a pretty clear picture of the hell, physical and mental abusive hell they are going through. They aren't loud enough, they aren't fast enough, they aren't neat enough, they are the laughing stocks of the camp...they are forced to do things for long periods of time until their arms shake, until their ass hurts, until they sweat all the sweat out of their bodies.

As a mom, we yearn to soothe their hurts, their sorrows...can't and we have to swallow back that knee jerk instinct to make things better, make them feel better.  Can't.  Cord cut.  Snap!

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